Olga Cherrington, Nurture Neuroscience sleep consultant
Have you heard of “negative / wrong sleep associations”? Feeding your baby to sleep, cuddling them, holding their hand, rocking them, singing to them…
That’s right, the exact things that have helped babies fall asleep for millennia. And not just human babies – all thriving baby mammals fall asleep cuddled up to mum, preferably nursing… (Well, actually just the land mammals: dolphin and whale calves don’t sleep at all for three weeks after birth, not to miss out on bonding with mum… What fun!)
Then in the 1980s, behavioural scientists have decided that there is something wrong with the practice as old as humanity itself… They theorised that it stops babies from growing into self-reliant successful individuals. (Hmm, I can’t think of any self-reliant successful individuals before the 1980s, can you?)
They didn’t stop there. They managed to spread the idea to every doctor’s office in the western world, and to every family…
Today’s families bear the sad legacy of the self-reliance fad to this day. Not only has it deprived millions of babies of the nurture that is their birthright, but it’s made mothers question themselves like never before. It’s made mothers think that their babies are somehow better off at night without them, and that is just a tragic lie.
I was lucky to read the right books at the right time. As a new mother ten years ago, I carefully avoided any advice that would get between my baby and me. I saw a lactation consultant who helped me out of a breastfeeding difficulty and taught me to watch my baby for optimal nap times. I nurtured my baby every single night while he needed it and then got to do it again with my second. Our sensitive babies have grown into happy and confident children who love their sleep, and I am so happy that this is the way we did nighttime parenting…
Sleep is a long game. When our children are very young, we lay the foundation of their sleep, mental health and happiness for life. And yet we live in a culture where the big picture is obscured, and shortcuts are promoted instead. Get a 6-month-old baby to sleep through the night! Stop feeding your baby to sleep! But the trouble is, when it comes to child development, no shortcut is ever without its trade-off. Parents are told to reach for the benefit that’s on the surface such as sleeping through the night and have no idea that the process of nurturing their babies at night was feeding into multiple beneficial outcomes, including building their baby’s beautiful resilient brain and creating a safe attachment.
If you are curious about optimising your family sleep without withdrawing the nurture that your baby, toddler and older child need to thrive, please know that it is absolutely possible. Jump on a quick no-cost and no-pressure call with me, and let's explore the strategies that will help your family get the sleep that you need.